I feel like this year deserves a goodbye, it's been a long, interesting, fun and painful year for me - GCSEs, starting college, love life rollercoaster, new people, new future plans... I would go on, but i'm not going to, because all of that is in the past, you can read it on this website anyway - now it's the time to learn from this year and welcome the next.

I would just like to mention a few people who have changed my life this year... Charlotte, you have helped me learn alot about myself and all about love, it's been a wonderful year with you and I hope that next year will be too. Mum, Dad, thanks for being there when I needed support, it's been a busy year for me and both your family and financial support has really helped me get off to a good start.  Amanda, always have the best sister in the world to turn to when I really need a hug or a favour, I thank you. Dug, mate, Dug - Mate! It's been another rocky year as always, but I want to thank you for all your help and for all the great times, i'm sure there will be more again next year! Thanks man! Kichimi - you continue to amaze me with your utter awesomeness! "I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution. 1024x768" That has got to be the most awesome quote for new years, and it's going up for quote of the week next Monday! Anyone that I haven't mentioned, i'm sure there is something totally great that I can thank you for, but to everyone - hope you had a good year and if not, better luck this time

I have had one hell of a year, it's been a year of change for me, and maybe change still to come - but for now, i think 2008 deserves a round of appluase and a raised glass, not really sure why - the glass is more likley to break if you leave it up high... that's right everyone, one last crappy pun for 2008! Take care everyone! Wishing you the best for 2009. Goodbye 2008!

I found some old comics on the internet that have been going around for quite a while, but thought that I would add them onto techtoad as they mention me! Take a look at the comics that mention techtoad directly here:
Comic #55
Comic #56
Comic #57

Please dont forget to take a look at the other comics at www.soapythechicken.com

Well, its about 2am and I can only say my day has been, alright. Charlotte came round (yesterday) for the last chance to see each other before xmas, but only for a few hours because we had things to attend to (xmas eve) I would have been going out to the pub with my sister Amanda and her partner, Rob, but due to an un-avoidable delay, we didnt have time in the end. We enjoyed a curry for dinner, watched the Muppits Christmas Carol (film) as tradition every xmas eve, had a few drinks at home. everyone has gone to bed now and I will be soon, but i'm just blogging. Wishing everyone a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I had a really nice weekend with Charlotte, but now it turns out that the other day I was going to see her has also been cancelled, so not only am I let down, but I now have to face another day of sitting around wishing I was with Charlotte, with nothing to do. I have updated my about page if anyone is interested. I'm feeling quite depressed now anyway, I don't really see any point in writing anymore, other than Merry Christmas, I hope everyone has a nice Christmas.

Turns out that I have tonsillitis, but its ok, I have been prescribed some penicillin and special strenght pain killers, feeling a little better today, but still have a really sore throat. Just been resting all day really, so don't have that much to say. I was going to write more... but I really can't think of anything, so i'll leave it there for now.

Mum's birthday today, but started my day off at 7:30am with some painful coughing. Everyone is at work, and I have run out of films and TV programs to watch - as usual, daytime TV was rubbish. Guess Charlotte must have gone to college, but she didnt contact me, its been about 25 hours now and I still havent heard from her - I have no idea if she is ok, I have tried getting in touch, but no response. Still feeling like crap, i'm as bored as hell, but I dont want to risk going out in the cold and making myself worse because I dont want our weekend to be ruined. Mum went out to a concert my sister is performing, so I have had no real company all day. Cant do anything, if i could, there is nothing to do, nobody to talk to - this is not a good week, but the weekend is well worth recovering for, no matter how bored I get. I just hope Charlotte has actually got better and isnt just going into college out of boredom, otherwise she will only pass the virus onto other people and she could make herself worse. I dont want the weekend to be ruined by that - its our last real chance to be together this year, and the first time i would have stayed round in over 3 months! Plus, lots of presents to give to Charlotte. That's all for today, I'm out.

So it's monday, and i'm still down with the flu. Hoping that I will get better soon and can get back to college for my last week. It's mum's birthday tomorrow and after so much confusion about when we were going to go out for a meal, who could make it and what was going on for everyone else, we finally decided to go for the meal tomorrow night - If i'm not better by tomorrow, there wont be any point in me going. As me and Charlotte were both ill this weekend, our plans had to be moved to next weekend, its the last weekend we will have together in a long time as I don't know when I will next see her after christmas, so i HAVE to get better by friday. Feeling quite bored, not only is there nobody here to keep me company, but i cant even do anything, im stuck in bed all day and watching TV gives me a headache. I'm just glad I have my laptop to keep me entertained! Hope everyone else who is ill gets well soon.

Well, I was really looking forward to this weekend as it would have been the first time i would have stayed at Charlotte's in over 3 months - but unfortunatley, Charlotte is really ill and we had to move it to next weekend. I woke up thismorning, and to my surprise, I had a cracking headache, a raw, saw throat, a blocked nose, no energy atall, and felt like crap. Yup, I'm ill too - guess moving it to next weekend was a good thing after all! I noticed from my random facebook trolling that several others seem to be ill aswell, so there must be some bad virus going around. For all of those who are ill out there, hope you get well soon - i know what your going through!

I was getting a bit bored of the old logo and layout of this website, so I have been playing around with some graphics programs and making small changes to the this website. I am still in the process of making minor alterations, so please report any problems that you notice or suggestions for new ideas. Thanks!

So - what's been going on with me? Well, me and Charlotte went through a really rough patch of our relationship, it got pretty bad - very bad... ok, it was terrible. The good news, is that we sorted it out, and things are already looking up

College is going alright, its a good laugh and I personally feel that I am benefiting from the education, however, the work load is begging to really dent my time, and when I have to consider transport aswell, it can get pretty stressful!
I managed to lose my wallet today, so if anyone finds it, it will be the black one with my ID card in and no money but yeah, if anyone comes accross it, please get in touch (use contact page to email if you dont know my number).

I bought a dedicated server, but at the moment, I haven't moved any of my sites over to it, i'm just getting to terms with the configurations and Lawrence (Ki-Chi-Mi) is giving me a hand in return for full access to it.

What is happening right now? Well, it's been a bad week. I have hardly seen Charlotte, infact, other than passing her occasionally in college, and one night on the bus, I havent really seen her atall, and I wont see her this weekend as she has gone to see her family in Milton Keynes. I have no wallet, so no ID card, no money, no bus pass - i'm practically stuck at home with nobody to see, even my sister who usually comes round for free dinner on Sunday's wont be here as she is performing a show, which my mum is going to watch, so yeah - but not to worry, i have plenty of work to be getting on with!

My blue hair has been overall positive, I have had far more compliments and people actually talking to me, than i have had jokes and insults - to put this in perspective, before i used to get an equal balance of compliments and insults, now i get compliments at least 3 times a day, and insults down to just a few times a week - so all good! The colour is begining to fade though, and I have used all the dye now, so things could change, but despite how weird it may look in a few weeks time, I'm glad I did it! If nothing else, its something to remember

I had my GCSE presentation evening Wednesday night, It had been a really really horrible day, but I found a smile in my cupboard with my "smart" stuff, and off i went. It was actually quite good, i'm glad I went, collected my GCSE certificates and had a bit of history and entertainment, there was a magician who, even though performed tricks I have seen many times before, did an amazing job and had me stunned quite a few times - most definatley comical, and I enjoyed it in the end. It was good to get out the house and see some of my old Gilberd mates, even though it wasn't the best day for it.

I also just want to say thankyou and give my friends Lawrence and Elton a mention, they were really good friends when I needed them this week - and I value that, so thanks guys, you know what i'm talking about.

So what happens now? Well, i'm going to approach the problems between me and Charlotte in an entirely different way from now on, I learnt this week how much Charlotte really means to me, and even though I was really hurting inside, being without her hurt more - so wish me luck everyone

My websites may have been down at various times this week, I had a few minor technical problems that, to be honest, I was too depressed to sort out, but as far as I am aware, everything is back up and running as normal now. Let me know if there is anything that doesnt seem right.

That's all guys! Cheers for reading

Hey everyone. I probably wont be doing much else with this site anymore, I use it to write about life and stuff, share a few pictures and provide some contact info. I will still keep my quote of the week, but I just dont feel upto adding anymore, or doing much. For some reason I feel like I just want to stop everything.

I finally had my hair dyed blue today! I think it looks awesome, and apparantly, so do quite a few people in town do aswell lol. You can find photos of me with blue hair here.

This week has been my October holiday, my first holiday since I started college. As you can see from my previous entry, I was feeling i'll on the last Friday of college and did not go in, but I soon felt better

Saturday and Sunday were farily boring, I decided to get as much of my work out of the way, none of my friends were about, and Charlotte was at an expo in London.

Charlotte came round on Monday, just as my parents were leaving for their October holiday. We had a really nice time, was good to see her again since the last time i saw her was at college on Thursday. Was a really good evening and we had great fun.

Tuesday was some what of a lazy day, I didn't really do any work, watched some TV, then went out a bit later. As i was walking home, it chucked it down with rain, hard, high volume of rain, i got SOAKED! When i got back home, I did a few jobs that Mum had left me to do, and fed the fish and rabbits. My coat and jeans took a few days to dry properly, and my shoes got ruined, lukcily I was thinking of buying some new ones soon anyway lol.

I spent Wednesday finishing any left over work for college, and then began to sort through some of my old stuff that my Mum had asked me to do this week, I didn't really finish all of that until late in the evening, but then I had some weird power cuts - finally, I was able to sit back and relax. I watched some more TV and did some online christmas shopping.

On thursday, Charlotte invited me to go to her house, although she was busy preparing for the Halloween party that I was initially invited to, but because I was a boy, and everyone else were girls, I wasnt allowed to stay, so that was a bit of a let down, I hardly spent any time with Charlotte, just sat around while she got things ready. That night, Charlotte checked again to see if i could stay for the party, but the answer was still no. Instead, i decided to go and see her before the party on Friday, and again on Saturday.

Friday, as i just mentioned, I went to Charlotte's at 10am to meet her, after I arrived, she said that I was now welcome to stay, but I didn't have my things, I had already paid for my bus travel, and spent an hour getting there, and she said that if i did stay, she wouldnt come to see me on Saturday, so i decided in the end just to go home on my own - like the original plan. I felt rejected the first time, and she left it too late to invite me. Again, Charlotte was rather destracted and we didnt spend much time together, so I felt like it was  bit of a waste, but on the other hand, the little time that we did spend together was well worth it. When I got home, my parents had returened, so I had dinner and just chatted with them about it for a while.

Saturday I was looking forward to seeing Charlotte at 12 as arranged, just before I was about to leave to meet her, my dad told me that he might be taking the floor boards up in my room, and that the electricity will be off, so I was a bit confused as to where me and Charlotte could now stay, but I was in a hurry to leave so I didnt have time to discuss it. I got to the bus stop at 11:45 ready to meet Charlotte as arranged at 12. I sent her a text just to say I was there, and didnt expect a reply as she had no credit, but expected her to arrive at the bus stop within the next 15-20 minutes. I sat there for an hour, it was now 12:45 and still no sign, or contact from Charlotte, I saw the same bus driver go past me again, obviously just completed the entire 65 route. By this time, I knew that Charlotte cant have got the 11am bus in order to meet me at 12. At 10 minutes to 1, she arrived and natrually, I was annoyed, I had been waiting for over an hour in the freezing cold and Charlotte hadn't even contacted me to let me know she was going to be almost an hour late. I looked at her ticket which said 12:02, which meant she didnt even get on the bus until after the time we arranged to meet, knowing that it takes almost an hour to get here, but Charlotte only got upset with me for being annoyed and threatened to go home if i was "just going to have a go at her" so I just let it go and forgot about it.

We finally got back to mine at about 1:30pm, despite the akwardness of the situation, and the lack of electricity at home, dad didnt need to take my floor boards up in the end, so at least we could stay in my room. We forgot about the whole being late thing, and managed to have a nice time. We got lunch at about 2:30pm and then around 3:30pm we had electricity back. Charlotte was going to leave at 6pm in order to be home at 7, but Kelly, her mum, phoned to say she would pick her up, so we got an extra 45 minutes, which was nice

I spent the evening wrapping up some of the presents that I have got people for Christmas, I know it's early but I like to get them before the christmas craze!

Sunday is today, the last day of my holiday, I am just "finishing off" i guess, tidying up a bit, packing for college tomorrow, sorting my finances, writing this blog, you know - usualy last minute stuff

All in all, it's been a good holiday, with just a few dissapointments. That's all from me! Hope everyone had a good holiday!

In the middle of the night I found myself searching around for paracetimol and a sick-bowl, I had a thumping headache and felt a "travel" sickness. Tried to sleep it off but couldn't really get to sleep. I must have eventually fallen asleep because when I woke up, it was worse.

Not going into College today, I don't think I can cope with it, I have no idea what's wrong with me but I dont feel atall well.

Hope everyone is feeling better than I am, take care!

Today was fun after college I took Charlotte out for a Hot Chocolate at café nero, we took our time and had some nice solid chocolate with it too. We went to the library to return some of Charlotte's anime books, and ended up getting out some naruto books too lol.

We went to the castle park and had a really nice time, i really enjoyed today

Well, my first lesson today was Computing, enjoying it alot, probably my favourite subject, feels less like work and more like time to do something interesting

Sombody threw something accross the room which hit Jed in the face, this usually wouldn't be that funny, but after a 3 second delay, he replied "what?", looked as if he was going to fall asleep!

Later in the day, I was sitting in CISCO with Kichimi making network cables, when Alistair comes in with real police handcuffs around one of his wrists, with the key stuck in the other side, he couldnt get them off. No idea how or why he managed to get them on his wrist in the first place, but it was certainly funny watching him try to get them off! lol

Other than tuesday being my fullest day, today was alright, feeling quite alot better, but still not entirely right.

Today my friend Charlotte,  not my girlfriend, my other friend Charlotte, decided to buy lots of cheese and crackers it was funny, in a strange sort of way. Kichimi and I went into the Castle Park looking for ways to get in and out after the gates had been locked, and where were good places to hide, we found a suitable way in and out of the park via a disused gate that is, relitivley easy to climb over. We found a few hiding spots, none of them that great, but hey, who can complain?

I think I am feeling a bit better than last week, I still feel like something isn't quite right, but i'm sure i will get it sorted, or learn to live with it.

Today's entry "Help?" - Don't ask, i'm not really sure. I didn't know what subject to choose, and "Help?" was the first thing that came into my head, I feel like a need help sometimes. The last few weeks have been very strange for me, I have had a mix of some of the best things, and the worst things happen to me. Unfortunatley, the worst things are more frequent, and I don't like it.

I guess that in this world, nobody can have everything they want, but surely people are entitled to have some choice and freedom? I like to offer people choice and freedom, but often get used for it, walked over like a front door mat, i'm welcome, but i'm there just to be walked on and ignored, while everyone else is inside at the party.

You could I suppose be feeling pretty sensitive about something, maybe even talk to someone close to you about it, but to then find out that they went behind your back and made the situation worse, knowingly? That's gotta burst your bubble.

I realise that in my writing, i am neither telling you what is happening, or what i intend to to about it, only silly anologies to explain my feelings. If it was as simple as writing the problem on here, I would, but the problem is that I have too much respect to start naming names, and if I explained what was going on, it would be fairly obvious.

Sometimes I just feel like I am "here" and that existing is all that the world wants from me, it doesn't matter that I dont get involved in social groups, or how i might be feeling about something, or several things. But if i was gone... I bet there would be trouble.

You and me, that's what this is about, if your reading this and haven't stopped so far, you obviously have an interest, or care about my life. Maybe that is why writing on here helps so much, when there is nobody to talk to, i know that YOU will be there.

Jealousy is a horrible thing, not only for the people on the recieving end, but the ones who are jealous themselves. I personally am Jealous of alot of people. Jealous about what they have, who they know, what they do, when they do it - but you wont see me going out to make their life hell, you wont even find me competing, I just sit back and watch as everyone else does what I want, need to do so much.

I must seem very depressive, and almost attention seeking? I do not seek attention from many people, although, I do seek attention from one... am I the bad guy? Is it that i expect too much attention, or is it that they don't give me enough? I can't judge that fairly for myself, it would be biased, but then, everyone has an oppinion, so everyone would be biased.

If you get to know me, you find that I am one of these people who lives a fairly normal life, is fairly lucky and usually, quite positive. In all of my life, I had never really realised the true value of happiness, I happen to have most of the possesions i desire, I am lucky to be in the college i wanted to go to, doing the subjects i wanted to do. I am lucky to have enough money to pay for what I need and still have a little aside for an occasional treat - but love, love is something that I feel, and have felt for a long time. Maybe now, i feel a threat to that love. I can tell you, whatever it is I am feeling, nothing else really helps.

My sister would be a great person to talk to, she can be really supportive and kind when I need to talk, and somehow, I havent even mentioned how I am feeling. I'm not sure if I am denying the problem, hiding it from everyone, or just too scared to talk about it because I know what will be said.

Suicide, self harm, self pitty... all that stuff, it's not my style. Why would I waste a perfectly good life, or harm myself over something that could be a trivial factor of my time in this world. To deny the temptation, would be a lie. Sometimes it just feels like walking infront of a bus would make everyone happy, but i know that it wouldnt, plus, think of the mess.

Yeah, that's me, always making a joke out of something negative to try and make it positive, or at least take my mind off it. I have been writing for a while now, and if you have been reading from the top, you will have been reading for a while too. I'll give it a break now, I don't feel much better but I can't complain to you forever, there are probably things you need to do, people you need to see, money you need to earn - besides, i'm only another regular guy with a regular problem.

Today was my Anniversary to celebrate being with Charlotte for a year, we had a wonderful night out after college First we got out tickets to see "How to lose friends and alienate people" which was a really good film

After the film, we went to China Blue for dinner, the food and service was great! Nothing went wrong for the whole evening. We then headed back to my house, had to get the bus as neither of us could drive, and there was nobody about at that time of night to give us a lift home, and forget about a taxi, i can't afford that!

We got back home and fell asleep shortly after, it had been a long day with College, we were both very tired.

When we woke up, we watched the films Deathnote 1 and 2 at home, we had a great time and ended up playing Jenga! I had great fun!

I walked Charlotte to the bus stop to say goodbye later in the evening, missed her from the moment we parted

Was a great anniversary and we had a wonderful time

My day went much better today, probably the best day I have had over the last few weeks. I had a wonderful lunchtime at the lake in the castle park with Charlotte and then had a nice quiet few hours together after college by the castle with Charlotte. I was feeling much happier about today, but unfortunately, bad luck and problems struck again later in the evening. I am looking forward to Charlotte's and my 1 year anniversary on Friday the 10th, hoping to have a nice day, hoping everything can be sorted out. Hoping... that is what I do. This is a public blog and I realise that it's neither the place to talk about personal problem, and not the content that you want to read, but somehow writing about things makes me feel better, so i'll give it a try. I feel very insecure at the moment, I feel a huge black cloud following me around and I think its because I am missing two very important parts of my relationship, respect and time. This is a strange topic, time obviously we all wish we had more of it, but somehow I feel that i'm losing the small amount of time that I have. Respect, this is a difficult one to explain, but the best example i can suggest is this: Imagine being commited to a job, a job that you enjoy doing and WANT to finish, while every time you try to do it, you get nothing but negative feedback, your employer telling you that it's not good enough, or even the opposite, that it's too good and is making everyone else look bad. I don't know, maybe that was a bad example, but it's how I am feeling at the moment. I wish there was some magic button I could press to make everything right, but even after hours of playing around with logic, i cannot structure the code to do it. (For those of you who are totally confused, what i mean is, it doesnt matter how much i think about it, i cant place what is wrong or why). If anyone has any ideas or advise, please do contact me, my details are available on the contact page of this website. Thanks for reading, somehow, every time you read this i feel better inside - yeah, i know, it doesn't make any difference to the problem.